You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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