There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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