i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
