on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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