You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
