Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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