my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
