I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
