Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
