So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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