If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
