I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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