your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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