i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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