it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
