I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
