honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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