I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
