Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
