i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
