I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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