I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
