So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
