I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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