It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
