Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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