this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
