you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
