My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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