Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
