Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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