I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
