I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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