I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
