you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
