i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
