she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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