I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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