The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
