remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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