I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
