He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
