on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
