just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
