I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
