someone threw a dead crab at me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
