What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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