proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
