'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
