dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
